We’re not even 24 hours into Desert Bus X and we’re already at the point where not only do I not know what day it is, but I’ve mostly forgotten how weeks work.

Those more grounded in reality tell us today is Sunday, aka NFL gameday! There are 13 games taking place today so, as is tradition, we’re attempting to predict the winners and margins of victory… however, we know nothing about football so we’re making our prognostications based solely on the team names!

• Chiefs v Panthers Panthers scratch out a 3-point win 
• Broncos v Saints Saints march to victory by 6 
• Rams v Jets Jets soar to a 20 point win 
• Packers v Titans The only Ten-I-see is Titans winning by 10 
• Falcons v Eagles Eagles win the battle of the birds of prey by 14 
• Vikings v Washington Vikings maraud to a 9-point win 
• Texans v Jaguars Texans win a close one by 1
• Bears v Buccaneers Bears maul Bucs by 14 
• Dolphins v Chargers Dolphins flip an 8-point victory
• 49ers v Cardinals Niners by 9
• Cowboys v Steelers Stillers win a couch-burner by 4
• Seahawks v Patriots Seahawks see victory by 6
• Bengals v Giants Who dey think gonna beat dem Bengals? The Giants will, by 12

Looks like a solid set of picks to me! Now let’s get out there and gridiron!