Remember the Seven Dollar Superheroes we collected from our special guests over the course of Desert Bus 7? Did you know that some of the talent and volunteers added their own too?
Here’s the full list we came up with. Have a favorite? Let us know in the comments! And if you feel inspired to draw one, send it in to [email protected]g! We’d love to see your creativity
Creator: James Turner
Hero: The Highwayman
Powers: Can create an overpass anywhere, anytime, to get him straight from where he is to where he wants to go.
Plucks prototype products that were almost made, should have been made but weren’t — grabs them from an alternate dimension where they were made and brings them back to his dimension.
Mr. Tambourine Man
Man who is a tambourine who can transcend time and space. Can petrify and shatter dinosaurs.
Can summon magical fiery kittens to attack their enemies, and anyone the kittens bite is immediately set on fire.
Can sing perfect harmony. Can’t pick music very well.
Can make you forget a 10-second span of time.
Giant tyrannosaurus with a giant brain and can actually tell us what happened to the dinosaurs and what their world was like.
Multiple personality disorder, each personality has a different power, and changing between them is uncontrollable.
The ability to summon kittens from the ether, cheer you up with it, then poof it out of existence (and into a nice home).
Uses waffle iron to make waffles or hit them. Sidekick is Maple Syrup who is a large jug with legs.
Legion of evil animals.
Paul and Storm
Can always get 83¢ from his pocket.
Paul and Storm
Can drink as much liquid as possible but pees if he gets wet.
Can never understand the metric system.
Giant bag of coins to hit people with. Sidekick Exact Change Boy has exact change.
Alien with a rainbow gun.
Miniaturized internet explosions.
Knows all the bus schedules for whatever city he’s in.
Jimmy Hinson (BCG)
Ability to shoot dinosaurs at poor drivers.
Hotel Curmudgeon Man
Ability to make people walk quietly late at night.
The Temporal Mechanic
Can fast-forward or reverse time on man-made mechanical objects.
Allen Schauffler (AJAM reporter)
Uses the power of the wind to spread good cheer.
Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw
Super Invisibility Man
The man who can turn invisible, but only while playing the trombone.
Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw
[No name, BONUS second superhero]
The man who can communicate with technology but it all inexplicably hates him.
He has power over cheese: 1. Communicate; 2. Manipulate with lacto-kinetic powers.
Can summon a herd of corgis at will; either overwhelms enemies with cuteness or ferociousness
Pins down criminals with claws and spews mini lobsters at them, then calls the cops on his cell that has moderate service.
Excretes butter from his hands for toast or corn. Or other stuff.
Anytime, anywhere, her hands can turn into any kind of scissors.
Cape made of silica gel packs. When a pack is thrown it turns into a bugsplat and forces someone to do a good deed.
Has really long arms and spins like a tornado.
Could make anyone fall asleep instantly; they’ll shut up and get the best night sleep of their lives.
Large Print Man
Helps people with unexpected visual problems; sidekick is Corrective Lenses.
Navigating unknown space while upholding Federation law.
Can generate windows anywhere and throws villains out of them.
Throws crazy cat ladies who then throw cats at everyone.
Can calm/reverse natural disasters by shaming them into submission.
The Sea Chef
Cooks crustaceans humanely, i.e., without boiling them alive.
Has a salad spinner shield, a bandolier of weaponized vinaigrettes, and the Tongs of Justice.
Can make anyone she talks to see her point of view.
Fiddler on the Roof
While on a roof has a mastery of the violin.
Can build anything but it’s always made of the incorrect materials.
Shipman the Shippingman
Can fit anything into any size packaging and get the lowest shipping rate on it, but anything he does this to is irreversibly changed and it’s different every time.
Uses hip-hop dance moves to fight evil: pop-and-lock = super flexibility; b-girling = super agility; ticking = slows down time; tutting = creates force shield. Armor contains a stereo to drop sick beats.
Little Lady Luck
Very good at catching busses right on time; drinks milk _right_ before it expires.
Travels the world to fight against the bland flavoring of the evil La Chef Dujour wit his utility belt of spices. Sidekick is Condiment Boy.
Can spontaneously fart on command, with complete control over sound and smell. Used primarily for comedy.
Kathleen De Vere
He has the power to detain people by blasting them with high intensity Derp Rays.
Sunkern Sunkern, Sunkern Sunkern Sunkern. SUNKERN!!!
The Soccer Team
He can multiply himself into eleven people, but only one can use their hands.
The Feng Shui Ninja
Messes with the feng shui of the room to make everything uncomfortable.
The Pit Stopper
The ability to correct all bad driving.
Gain power from relative cuteness from those around her.
Ships anything, anywhere.
Able to read scrolling text with the greatest of ease and able to ban at the speed of light.
He’s a sound-based superhero. He can cause earthquakes with his low voice. The fishing thing is just to confuse his foes.
Sees everything at 20/15 but it all looks like it’s printed on a piece of paper. Ironically, aper does not exist to him.
Can determine any type of poison, but only after ingesting it.
Can convert caloric energy _directly_ into physical/force/electrical energy. Weakness: celery.
Able to alter the fabric of reality using only a computer.
Able to perceive all possible outcomes of decisions, but cannot choose from them.
While in a group, he can selectively allow or prevent specific people from hearing conversation, regardless of their position in the group. Weakness: utter silence.
Doesn’t have to sleep — ever! Imagine how much you could get done! Weakness: can’t work faster than a normal person, sleep rays.
He remembers everything, which fills him with a terrible, tragic sadness.